| To you... |
[31 Dec 2005|08:17pm] |
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*I melt*-*Rascall Flatts* |
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I don't really know what happened. We were friends the day I left, and even the day after and then you wanted nothing to do with me. I dont quite understand it and in all honesty it hurts, a lot. You are my best friend and I may have done some pretty shitty thing in the past, but I have never told you to fuck off. Yes I know this summer I was not there for you, but if you would have emailed me, or needed me in anyway, I would have been there. This comes as a complete shock to me, I never in my entire life pictured you not being my friend. I thought you were a forever friend and maybe you are but right now you don't want anything to do with me and that leaves me very confused. With all I have been through, with all the people who have just left without an explination, you out of all people would never do it, but you did. Maybe our friendship wasnt as strong as we both lead it to be? Im not quite sure what this all means and maybe I'll never know but I wont feel right until you know how I feel. Honestly I feel very betrayed, like everytime I cried to you or confided in you, you didnt take it in and your words of never leaving were all lies. Maybe you need to do this, maybe you need to be without me, I really dont know, I just dont get it. I am at a loss for words, but yet I have so much to say. I am happy for you if you are happy, I mean that. I am just not happy with your decision to not have me in your life. Like I've said I dont understand it. I don't want you to think that when you are ready to come back into my life I wont be here because I will. This hurts deeply, but in some sick way I understand that you have to do what you have to do. If this is all because of your girl friend then so be it, I cant change that and sadly enough I know what you are going through. If she has told you not to have me in your life I am going to respect her wishes because you deserve to be happy and if she makes you happy then thats all I want. If you have done this for any other reason I wish you would have enough respect for me to tell me. Thats all I am asking of you Chelsea is to please be kind enough to tell me why you will no longer speak to me. If there ever comes a day when we can be friends, I will reach my hand out and take yours in mine and run with you. If not then I hope you live a very happy and successful life with whoever and whatever you do. I love you, from the bottom of my heart I love you. You will always be my bra and my best friend. I miss you more every day and my love for you still continues to grow. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel like you would want nothing to do with me. Happy New Year and all other holidays to come that you are not in my life. I love you best friend.
Love Always,
Meredith, your bra
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| ohhhh the joys |
[20 Dec 2005|02:36pm] |
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Im 19 and a half today, yup thats right, its my damn half birthday.. anyone wanna celebrate, gifts, anything haha jk.
So yeah, I don't know when the last time I wrote was but umm can't be that long ago. Anyways updates....
I am not single, no siree I am not, well technically I am but Kelly and I are together, she is my girl friend she just hasnt asked me out cause umm err its supposed to be on some special day or umm something haha. riiiite so anyways yeah soo yay for not being single and havin someone to love. Mmmk registered for classes, always a good time. Tuesday I have english from 10:30-11:45 and wednesday a photoshop class from 9:30-11:45. SOoo happy to be going back to school, its gunna be ubbber fun haha right but you know what I mean. Im excited and happy for myself cause I needed to go back mmhmm. Im still doing the nanny thing but they dont think they'll need me this summer so I think Im going to go to school all summer so I can be a junior or at least a second semester sophomore, yeah bitches u heard me Im gunna go to school in the SUMMER TIME haha cause thats what us cool kids do, well cool kids like me anyways...
Umm so I went to New Orleans this past weekend and had a blazin time with the bestest person to ever support my boobs haha. Chelsea yes, I went to go see Chelsea for graduation, there was a little change of plans but its all good, no worries haha. We had a fucking blast.. let me recall
I get off the plane, molest her completely with a big ass Meredith hug, who could resist right? haha yeah and then we get my bag... haha jk i wont go that much into detail. Soo yeah we go see her friend from high school Brittany who is very nice and we go to her apartment and she lets us smoke her weed, even nicer haha then we go to eat at margarettaville, mmmm great food haha. SOoOOo then we go to bourbon st... now heres where the real fun begins. We are walkin, walkin some more and these 3 old guys with long hair eww like stop and are like HEY and umm we walked a little faster haha... Soo we try to find a place to drink cause she wanted to get my bourbon faced on shit street haha soo we decide to turn around and go back to the bar that her uncle owns... we are walkin and this old guy around like i dont know 40 with some accent idk where from but hes likes "excuse me, excuse me" and im like uhhhh what and grab onto chelseas arm and hes like "baby, why are you so beautiful, why are you so beautiful." I didnt know what to say so I just said thank you as Chelsea dragged me along. Soo we get to her uncles bar and these guys walk by and they like keep staring back at us and we go in or whatever and then we see them walk by again and then they come in and start talking to us and offer to buy me a drink and then offer to buy chelsea a drink or whatever... I got a pina coolada and Chelsea got some lemonade shit. So they asked me if I've ever had a hand gernade im like right whats that? SOO i am dragged to another bar where i am served a hand gernade and then I am told I am going to shit faced after one... Well needless to say I had 2 and I was extremely shit faced haha. SOO yeah we talked to them for awhile, they begged us to go back to the hotel with them of course I turned down the offer cause well umm Im not straight haha. SOo we go to Chelseas car, umm I decide I really gotta pee and instead of waiting 5 minutes, I take a piss in a cup in the back of chelseas car, always a good time haha. Umm yeah so then we smoked again haha and i fell asleep in the car, got back to chelseas, fell asleep again. She woke my ass up and I took an adderoll and then we went to her friend Misty's and smokedlike 3 bongs. We got back to her apartment, she fell asleep and I stayed on the phone with Kelly until like 5 in the morning, woke up at like 8 and waited for chelsea to wake up around 12. Okay soo then we went to her parents house for the day smoked on the way back, that was fun umm then we went back to her apartment and she had all her friends over, it was sooo good to finally meet everyone that I had heard so much about. I took a perk and just was fucking fucked up off that and i drank a daquari and we played drinking games and then they left and then we smoked again and i passed out hard cause i was all fucked up on perks and smokin some hash haha... Then the next morning we woke up, um her friends came over to say bye and we went to sonic yayyy i tried sonic haha and off to the airport we went. Goodbyes are so hard and I miss you already Chels, I had an amazing weekend and I loved every part of it. I wanna go to school down there so bad you have no idea.
Now I'm sitting here, exhausted trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for school. I also think I need to start a new journal cause well I dont know this is a new chapter in my life. Soo yeah this might be the last entry, I dont know. I'll let you know.
-Mere-
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| Laps |
[20 Nov 2005|08:49pm] |
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I got back in the pool today, for the first time in like 10 months. It was hard for me, hard for me to get in there and do laps and hard for me to admit that I was actually in a pool again. I havent been able to bring myself to enter a pool and actually do laps in a long time. Idk last year during swimming I was a completely different person than I am now. I mean sure I'm still Meredith, but if I think about it, Im so different. Last year I was a wreck, I didnt go to class and all I really cared about was getting Megan back. Now its like I dont give a shit about Megan and I am such a better person without her. She literally means nothing to me besides the fact that she is in my past. Sure I will always have a place for her in my heart, I spent 3 very long, hard years with her. But no where will she be in my future, shes not a person for me. I was sitting in the hottub after I swam and I saw all these brand new faces around me and I was just thinking like why was I trying so hard to be with that one person when theres a billion other people I havent even encountered. I was niave and knew that my love for her was real, but what is real isnt always right and I am so glad to have figured that out. I have been without her for 2 months and I haven't been this happy in all my life. It's pretty bad that I can say I am happier without her than I ever was with her. Don't get me wrong, I loved her, I loved her completely but there was always something missing with her, whether it was the distance, or later just the fucking bullshit. Nothing was ever just okay, unless we were together but still I always had to leave so once again, it was never just okay, and if it was, it didnt last long. She is a part of my past and that I can not change, nor do I want to because really all i can do is thank her for making me the person I am now. Thank you to all my friends too, thank you to my family. Everyone who has truly never given up on me. There were times Im sure it was hard not to but those who stuck around I know are meant to be in my life!
Yeah I would love to write more sappy things but I really have to get in the shower now, Im itchy from the chlorine.. I don't miss that part lol.
<3 thank you Chelsea.. I CANT FREAKIN WAIT
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